September 17, 2017 0


JoshMiddle Aisle Raider Age: 12 Experience: Meditated on North Pier for 10 minutes Specialisation: Josh Worms About Me Another of our Middle Aisle Raiders is Josh. As well as bringing a bag of funnies he also runs the Twitter page and manages the news stories for the Staff Room.  Josh, also known as the ruminator, has the ability to talk about anything, forever. Having grown up in the FY4, Josh was formerly known as The Enigma and collected debts for Rancid Mike, a local hoodlum. If challenged by a small to medium dog, Josh will take to all fours and slowly hypnotise the beast into an early bath and bed.  Contact Me ExperienceTeamwork Josh once joined the circus. He rode a unicycle with a little monkey on his shoulder. The monkey was called Mr Pebbles and the two of them would do laps of the circus ring whilst Josh juggled bananas. Mr Pebbles would grab the bananas one by one and eat them. Serious teamwork. Unfortunately, Mr Pebbles was eaten by another of the zoos animals. Which animal remained undisclosed by the circus although Josh believes it was the Zebra, as that was the ringmasters favourite. Self Development Josh is a Buddhist. So put that in your self development pipe and smoke it. Sociality Josh describes himself as an introvert trapped inside the body of an extrovert, who lives in an introverts kitchen cupboards in extrovert town. He can often be found wandering down his street looking lost in nothing but a bath robe and trainer socks. Whether he has any meaningful interactions on these excursions is yet to be seen. SkillsTalking 150%Talking at People 175%Believing People are Still Listening 205%Listening -4%
September 17, 2017 0


TomMiddle Aisle Raider Age: 36 Experience: Not enough Specialisation: African Sausage Cat Breeding About Me One of our Middle Aisle Raiders, Tom’s main roll is bringing the funnies. He holds down three jobs, so we don’t badger him with too much outside of the show, the only expectation is his presence, and the occasional Facebook post. Tom is the drunkest of all men. He described himself as an apprentice witchdoctor who lacks the ambition to ever qualify and pursue the career professionally. Tom once baked a loaf of bread so delicious; all the geese came back from Canada for a go, in the middle of winter. His favourite colour is smaragdine.  Contact Me ExperienceTeamwork Tom was part of the team that delivered the Millennium Dome. He did the top bit, where the little spike is that marks the highest point. He said after he'd finished he was knackered and subsequently led down for fourteen years. That may seem like a long time, but its not to Tom, he's weird. Self Development Tom misread 'self' as 'shelf' and sent us this anecdote. "I once put up some floating ones for my Mum. They looked great, but then late one night when everyone was in bed, they fell down and four out of the five people in the house shat their beds". Sociality Photoshop is the best way to get Tom at a party. He often sends pictures of himself in fancy shirts as response to any invitation. Weddings, parties, funerals, fundraisers, you name it, Tom's been photoshopped into it. If you'd like Tom to be photoshopped into your party, please get in touch. He often forwards pictures in advance just in case people hadn't thought about photoshopping him in to their event. SkillsDrinking 5%Punctuality 4%Wearing Socks 50%Rendition of The Proclaimers 500%
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